Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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