Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
