he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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