i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
