I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
