Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
