Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
