Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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