YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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