I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
