So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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