why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
