she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
