They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
