so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
