Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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