How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
