Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
