peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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