it hurts more in the daytime
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize