mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
