in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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