in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize