Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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