My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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