Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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