It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i think im in europe. pls send help
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
