I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
