I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
