Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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