Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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