Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
