I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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