just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
