Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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