Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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