is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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