he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
