I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
