Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
