It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
