would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
