So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize