That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
