new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
