I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
