So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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