Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
