there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
