Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
