you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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