I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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