I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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