you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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