So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
NoShamevember. You game?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
