You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
