she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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