your parents love me but you hate me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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