i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
