I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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