accomplished twins. life is a go
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
