i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
