Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
