Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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