I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
