so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
