If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
