walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize